What I Never Said

You were a quiet child
but not untouched by fire
There were moments you resisted
small flickers of rebellion
but never enough to burn

You were small
but you noticed everything
and when you didn’t obey
it wasn’t rebellion
it was your spirit
refusing to shrink

And I mistook it
for defiance
because I didn’t know
how to love a child who questioned the world

I see now
you weren’t difficult
you were discerning
and you were right
more often than I wanted to admit

You were afraid
not of the dark
but of what would happen if you didn’t behave
if you dared to want too much

I mistook your silence for ease
your stillness for peace
and I thought I was lucky
to have a child who never stormed
not knowing
you were the one weathering everything alone

I didn’t say I love you
not when it counted
not when you stood in the center of the room
holding questions behind your teeth
waiting for a softness that never came

I gave you structure
quiet routines
early nights and unspoken rules
but I didn’t give you the kind of love
that wraps around a child
and tells them they’re allowed to be loud
allowed to feel
allowed to want

You told me what scared you
and I sent you away
as if fear was something that could be punished
or tucked in
as if being alone in a locked room
could ever feel safe

There were bags I packed
joy I chased
and places I went
where you weren’t invited
You love the ocean
but I let others touch the water
while you stayed somewhere quiet
in a room with a chair against the door
learning how to cry where no one could hear

I told myself you were fine
that you didn’t ask
so you must not have needed
but I see now
children don’t always ask
not when they’ve already been told
without words
that their needs are too heavy

I was raised in love
but I didn’t pass it down gently
I let it calcify
turned it into duty
into distance
into a house that never truly let you rest

You were not too much
You were not too quiet
You were just trying
to exist in a place
that never gave you permission to be fully alive

I see you now
and I know
you deserved more

And though I never said it
not when it would have changed you
I did love you
even in my silence
even in my absence
even in the empty seats beside me
where you should have been

I hope one day
you find the kind of love
that always makes room
and never lets you watch the waves
from the window

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